The Day Before School, before life

Nothing too inspirational. Just saying, that it hurts like crazy. And it's pathetic and shallow.

And this is what I'll hear when I finally see you

What the past few days were

These past few days I pondered as to why I felt this pain in my chest constantly, and why it's so much harder to smile truthfully now. Well, of course, I'm holding on to something I know I shouldn't be because thats the way her world is. Whatever she's thinking, I'm trying to find a better way to live without living in that decietful play of words and false hopes. But if anything should happen, it's that I will strive to rise above the average joe and show the world that true love doesn't abandon and fall at the beginning of tough times.

What I do know is that these past few weeks were one of the greatest ones I've had all Summer. These people I surround myself with have proven how trustworthy and true they really are. And never was there a need to say "I just want to know who my true friends are." It should be apparent in the way they act towards you and the fact that they would be there for me even during inconvenient times. Being broken in so many ways, it's amazing how so many people were willing to be there, to stay on the phone, and to deal with my pain. Even adults were willing to help( thanks Auntie Cubillo and Kuya Jason!) See, what I found this summer is that never was there a need for that sole love or like, its that I had stronger love coming from all my friends. As corny as that was, and as conceited as this may sound, I have love in many places. And that is one thing I'll thank you for helping me realize. Other than that though, I promise that things will never be the same, and that the closeness we promised afterwards probably won't happen because of the truthful betrayal and constant pain I feel. Anger is like a slow poison, so never will I resort to hate. But know this, the love I have seen in the past few days has been the most truthful I've seen in the past year, and whatever you do is your business. Somehow I have grown in a way I had not expected, and I see life as a bigger opportunity. And no matter how much attraction and want I have left, I will not give into that blinded temptation that left me begging to be the one man to make you happy.

One day it'll dawn on me when that girl finally falls into my arms and tells me I loved you before I even met you, and never will she leave. But it's honestly too friggin soon to be thinking that. I am lucky to have so many people that care, and I will always be one to come too if they need that comfort as well. That's the way it was and will always be. I am willing to meet new people, and always so willing to explore new things. Always love for Rejubillo, Krack-Ed, 08 kids, and all the new cool kats I will meet. And Albert, Mark, Katon, you guys are inpiring me to be more, so thanks to you. It'll be sad when I move to Irvine next semester(maybe). But it's only an hour and 45 min away:) So visit and hang in the new apartment with me and we'll kick it with my soon to be ps3 and hopefully new recording gear. 220 and highdef as well. Well I got to get ready to pick up Jon's 360 controller, Soak City, and Otay Luwow auditions. Thanks for reading loves, and don't be afraid of the unknown, because its what makes life so exciting and surprising. Much love and peace, lates.

The dealio So far

Hey everyone, its been almost a month since I blogged, sue me X)

Anyways, I just had a few thoughts about a song I've been listening to constantly. I'm pretty sure many of you guys are familiar with the song "Slow Motion," by Karina Pasian, yeah? I've been religiously commiting myself to learn as many songs as I possibly can and I never took the time to really listen and vibe off Karina's lyrics. And well, it dawned on me that it's true how people like to take it fast nowadays. Well...honestly, I have to say I've done something along those lines too. But to know that people can move on in such a short amount of time, it really got to me. And the idea that "life is too short" is something to consider as well, but is it really that easy to feel that way in a matter of days, weeks, etc? It must be fun to be able to do something like that, but I always prided myself in not being able to feel so close in such a short amount of time. But who knows, maybe its not a matter of being shallow, maybe its just a matter of trying to make yourself happy, and gain that immediate sense of security that special other can give you. And I'm really accepting the fact that people nowadays love to move on, and that it's normal to feel like it's easy to just find someone else, or the nearest person that can make you happy. I don't think it's pessimism, it's just a reality that most people tend to overlook. And that old-fashioned idea of love, that's what I hope to find; but along with the music I will create, the dances I will choreograph, and the ideas I will share with the world. 18, yeah, its a low number in terms of age, but to have experienced this now instead of the distant future gives way to comfort I probably would have never found in my older age. Well, I'm starting to feel thirsty and I'm in desperate need of some nourishing food( most likely boba or some other non-healthy snack). I'm losing my touch for words, but I'm hoping eventually I'll find th ideas that once spurred my curiousity to explore the things no one else would think to explore. Night Everyone, and give some thought about the things you do, and maybe you'll find a little something you haven't seen before about the yourself, other people, or the world in general. Ja ne.

First Blog attempt

So, honestly, if it weren't for Ms. Alacon, I would never have considered writing a blog or discussing anything like this with the world out there. But experience doesn't have to come through actions solely, words can have just as much an impact.

Anyways, lately I've been facing a problem that many people go through, and thats called a "break-up." It's something I've been through before, over and over again. And it's hard to tell myself, no, it's not my fault. Because in one way or another, something I did or said had changed the affection we once had 11 months ago. And not to say she didn't do anything either, it's just that I always find blame within myself. And thats a problem so many "nice guys/girls" face, and it's that everyones emotions have to be placed in front of our own. And this girl I liked....wait, this girl that I still love is someone along those lines. Now add a bunch of stress, a demanding boyfriend, and a wonderful nice guy on the side to help. Honestly, I can't see why it turned out any other way. And it's at this point that I've lost my way, lost that one guiding star or whatever you want to call that leading force. And I lost myself even more...Thats when Ms. Alacon came in...and understood how I felt. It feels nice to know someone out there can help but also know the pain that constantly eats at your thoughts and worst of all, your heart. It's funny how one person can make you remember what it feels like to honestly be yourself in a day. Yeah, A DAY!

But it got me wondering, why is it that this is happening...and I found my answer. I was just being myself. WTF?! yeah, I was being myself, and I found myself genuinely happy again. I think maybe it's this real side that she wanted. I wish I could change some of the choices I made, but it's stupid to keep living in the past. Maybe I lost a fight, but in the whole grand scheme of things, I have time to make things better. While there may or may not be a chance to be with her love again, maybe just being in her life for now would be...nice. It'll be hard because I know that theres this guy out there that already calls her "the one I want to be with the rest of my life..."<---*snigger...sorry, I think that 3 weeks isn't enough time to legitimately say that. But honestly it hurts, and the pain is excruciatingly real. But what I have is a life with friends who believe that I can be better, and that I can do better. Rejubillo, Andrew, Alacon, Anne's court, Kuya Jason...the list goes on...I've got love whether I've lost one in the process. But I can't lose that love, no matter what...because she at one point was my everything....I'm losing brain juice...I'll just continue on some random day adnd be like...what the heck was I writing about?!! Anways, much love and peace and live it up. Laters.