So, honestly, if it weren't for Ms. Alacon, I would never have considered writing a blog or discussing anything like this with the world out there. But experience doesn't have to come through actions solely, words can have just as much an impact.
Anyways, lately I've been facing a problem that many people go through, and thats called a "break-up." It's something I've been through before, over and over again. And it's hard to tell myself, no, it's not my fault. Because in one way or another, something I did or said had changed the affection we once had 11 months ago. And not to say she didn't do anything either, it's just that I always find blame within myself. And thats a problem so many "nice guys/girls" face, and it's that everyones emotions have to be placed in front of our own. And this girl I liked....wait, this girl that I still love is someone along those lines. Now add a bunch of stress, a demanding boyfriend, and a wonderful nice guy on the side to help. Honestly, I can't see why it turned out any other way. And it's at this point that I've lost my way, lost that one guiding star or whatever you want to call that leading force. And I lost myself even more...Thats when Ms. Alacon came in...and understood how I felt. It feels nice to know someone out there can help but also know the pain that constantly eats at your thoughts and worst of all, your heart. It's funny how one person can make you remember what it feels like to honestly be yourself in a day. Yeah, A DAY!
But it got me wondering, why is it that this is happening...and I found my answer. I was just being myself. WTF?! yeah, I was being myself, and I found myself genuinely happy again. I think maybe it's this real side that she wanted. I wish I could change some of the choices I made, but it's stupid to keep living in the past. Maybe I lost a fight, but in the whole grand scheme of things, I have time to make things better. While there may or may not be a chance to be with her love again, maybe just being in her life for now would be...nice. It'll be hard because I know that theres this guy out there that already calls her "the one I want to be with the rest of my life..."<---*snigger...sorry, I think that 3 weeks isn't enough time to legitimately say that. But honestly it hurts, and the pain is excruciatingly real. But what I have is a life with friends who believe that I can be better, and that I can do better. Rejubillo, Andrew, Alacon, Anne's court, Kuya Jason...the list goes on...I've got love whether I've lost one in the process. But I can't lose that love, no matter what...because she at one point was my everything....I'm losing brain juice...I'll just continue on some random day adnd be like...what the heck was I writing about?!! Anways, much love and peace and live it up. Laters.
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